What Jesus Would Eat

If He were in the Bay Area, where would He feast?

I know He likes His loaves and fishes. The salmon population is hurting, so local chinook is off the menu. I'm sure He would not want anything frozen and transported too far. He had no motorized transportation in His day. Christ's a locavore.

Mercury levels threaten one's health if you eat too much fish from the Bay. Once a month is okay, per NPR. If you are eating out, according to CBS 5, We Be Sushi and Blowfish as well as Whole Foods pass the test.

For bread, He'd probably go to the workers' co-op Arizmendi. Jesus was all about people power, and that sourdough on Fisherman's Wharf is too darn expensive, plus it just sits out getting dusty.

After the meal, He would have to get a good view of San Francisco. He might walk across some water. In Oakland, He'd find Mr. Brians and his new golden wok(search DO THE WOK OF LIFE). But I suspect the Lord could make a wok golden just by peeing on it or some such thing, so He might not be impressed.

If He came over my place, the menu would be simple. Probably salad, pasta, toast and meatballs or stir fry. But He'd get to listen to the new Maven, at which point the devil within would bubble up and out and succumb to the pulsating sounds, leaving the Lord with a full stomach and empty conscience. Then we would find a good, free MIT course to take. I'm thinking kitchen chemistry.